No Strings Attached

"female caller #1: [phoning in, on speakerphone] He tries to kiss me, but I slap his face away. I tug hard on his leash, and I lead him into the kitchen, lock the door behind us so he can't get out! Marc Demetrius: Uh-huh. I see. female caller #1: [as Marc paces while listening] He bites my underwear. [with much laughter in her voice:] female caller #1: He starts tugging at it. [chuckles] female caller #1: I grab his ears and say "Slowly, Hans, slowly!" Hello? Are you there? Marc Demetrius: Sure, I'm just, uh... enthralled. Go on. [from across office, colleagues snicker] female caller #1: Then I smear pancake butter on my breasts, on my... you know, between my legs. Hans watches me and licks his lips. Marc Demetrius: I'm sorry, remind me, Hans is who? female caller #1: My German Shepherd. Marc Demetrius: Right. Okay. Go on. female caller #1: Okay, he licks at the batter. Now I, you know... Marc Demetrius: [as his grinning editor comes walking in] You orgasm. Yeah, sure. female caller #1: And that's basically it. Marc Demetrius: Well, that's plenty. Now, if you don't mind, would you please state your name, age and occupation for me. female caller #1: Forty-seven... a kindergarten teacher. Marc Demetrius: You know something, I had a hunch."

"Sara Robbins: [as they ride back] I hardly think that he's being unreasonable, you know? He's old and he's sick and he would like to see me get married before he dies. Marc Demetrius: Honey, every time you see your Dad you think he's gonna die. He's not gonna die. He's the healthiest guy I know. Sara Robbins: No, but Daddy has a bad heart, and you know it. I want my father to give me away. Not my brother, not my uncle, not some co-worker, my Dad...! [her hand clutches her upper chest] Sara Robbins: So, if you intend to marry me, we need to set a date. [no answer from him] Sara Robbins: And if you don't... then tell me now and we will go our separate ways."