Poker Alice

"Alice Moffitt: Where is she...your woman? Amos: I buried her. Had to...she was dead. Yeah, I come here one day and she was sittin' at the table deader than a can of corned beef. The poor old woman didn't even have a chance to finish her bowl of prunes. It hit me plenty hard, ma'am. But what come close to shakin' me was after I done finished diggin' her grave. I come in here to get her and she was all stiffen up...harder than a railroad tie. I had to bury her sittin' up! The poor old woman has to sit up straight and proper until judgment day."

"Cousin John Moffit: We'd like to go to New Orleans. Amos: From here? Cousin John Moffit: Well, we got to here from there. You do have trains going East don't you? They don't just all go West and disappear, do they? Amos: We got just as many going East as going West. That's kinda the way it works out. Cousin John Moffit: When is the, er, next one? Amos: Four days. Cousin John Moffit: Four days? Amos: Well now, there's a westbound going through tomorrow morning. You can take that as far as Cake City, if you've a mind to, and lay over there for the eastbound. Cousin John Moffit: Is there nothing at all until tomorrow morning? Amos: That's what I just got done telling you didn't I? Now, if you care to set a spell, I'll take you over to my house and I can rent you a bed for a dollar. If you're hungry, supper'll be another dollar. If you wanna wash up that's fifty cents, and rags to dry with is a quarter. Cousin John Moffit: Probably charge for the use of your outhouse too? Amos: Now what kind of a fella do you think I am to charge you for the use of his outhouse? Cousin John Moffit: Well, something anyway. Amos: Paper'll cost you fifty cents."