Assume the Position 201 with Mr. Wuhl

"[a picture of Britney Spears is on the screen] Robert Wuhl: Now I'm sure that many of you dismiss Miss Spears as some exhibitionist, club-hopping bimbo. But not me. No, I got Britney's back because, as my father used to say, "Judge slowly." [a clip from "Ekstase" is shown] Robert Wuhl: Behind me, this is the first nude scene in motion picture history. In the 1933 Czech film "Ekstase", twenty-year-old Hedy Lemarr shocks the world by becoming the first woman to bare her breasts on camera, thus becoming the original Girl Gone Wild. Her outrageous behavior makes her an international film star and a pop-culture icon. Who once said "Any woman can be glamorous. All she has to do is stand still and look stupid." But early in 1941, shortly after World War II begins, Hedy is out partying. Concerned about the Nazis jamming Allied radio signals, Hedy takes out a cocktail napkin and on the back of it, draws up a plan that will become known a frequency hopping. This is a way to make jamming radio signals impossible. [shows diagram of Lamarr's patented technique] Robert Wuhl: This is Hedy's actual patent for frequency hopping. And this isn't a handbag or a cosmetics line she's putting her name on, right? This is impressive stuff. So who many thought was an exhibitionist, club-hopping bimbo of her time invents a revolutionary defense system that has been used in everything from the Cuban Missile Crisis to Wi-Fi to cell phones. Well, "stand still and look stupid" my ass! Which brings me back to my girl, Britney. And once again, I say judge slowly, because in the future, we may well learn that Britney went into that car with underwear on and the reason they came off may someday change history. [show a picture of pink panties with a diagram labeled "Cancer Cure"]"

"Robert Wuhl: The story I'm gonna tell you about today is about our most exclusive country club: our Chief Executives. Talk about members only. In 218 years, only forty-two of them and I've gotta say, for a country that's built on diversity [references picture of all 42 presidents] Robert Wuhl: not a whole hell of a lot of it up there, is there? In fact, the only diversity is see up there is facial hair. That's it. First fifteen presidents before Lincoln: no facial hair. Next seven out of eight: facial hair. And the only reason Andrew Johnson doesn't have any is because Lincoln got shot and he didn't have time to grow a beard. Now, in my lifetime, there have been ten different presidents: some good, some not-so-good, all of them clean-shaven and none of them could get rid of Castro. His secret? Facial hair!"