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"Lee Evans: [about a man who speaks really loudly on a cillit bang advert] He must have really nervous kids at home, he'd be reading them a bedtime story at night: Once upon a time... there was a dirty toilet!"
"Lee Evans: I really admire the emergency services because they stay so calm, you'd run up to a call box and go: I need a fire engine now! Lee Evans: And they'd say "Ok, where are you? Lee Evans: I don't fucking know, do I?"