Ms. Scrooge

"Maude Marley: I always did like a big entrance, didn't I? How's tricks, Ebenita? Ms. Ebenita Scrooge: Maude? Maude Marley: You haven't said a word about my outfit. Ms. Ebenita Scrooge: Oh, it can't be Maude. She's dead. I buried her. Maude Marley: And rather hastily, I might add. Afraid I might come back to life? Reclaim my possessions? Now I can't. [Ebenita reaches for the phone] Maude Marley: No! That line is dead, darling. Save us both time, Ebenita. I'm dead, I'm here, and I'm talking to you. Now, I'll cut to the chase. I actually need your help to rest in peace. That's all anybody ever talks about in the afterlife, how they do things differently. The grass is forever greener, but when I was alive, I lived by one question only: What's in it for me? I'll admit I was a little self-centered then, cared not a whit for the little people. That's why every year, on the anniversary of my death, I have to roam the world and see the happiness I can never share unless... Ms. Ebenita Scrooge: Yes? Maude Marley: Unless you listen to me and turn your little life around. Ms. Ebenita Scrooge: What's so little about my life? Business has never been better. I own three buildings and a house with ten rooms. Maude Marley: And how many rooms in your heart and how long will your chain of grief be when you join our miserable band? Ms. Ebenita Scrooge: I don't have to do anything. Maude Marley: No, you don't. Not if you change. My fellow ghosts will show you how. Ms. Ebenita Scrooge: More ghosts? Maude Marley: Yes, but tightly organized on the other side. Actually, you'd probably love it for a while. Tight schedules, time clocks, the works. However, the only problem is it never ends. It goes around, and around and around! Ms. Ebenita Scrooge: Get away! Maude Marley: Anyway, expect your first visitor when the clock strikes midnight, your second visitor at one, and your third at the stroke of two. Regular as clockwork. Ms. Ebenita Scrooge: What is the point of all of this? Maude Marley: Change, Ebenita, for your sake as well as mine. Either get me out of this or join the crowd forever! Ms. Ebenita Scrooge: Ghosts, you can have this place. I'm going to be someplace else!"

"Reverend Luke: [Luke's sermon, while Christmas Present and Ebenita look on invisibly] ... Thank you very much. You know, when we sing together, we ARE together. Right? Singing is the secret language of the soul, and I just want to say "Thank You, Lord, for the gift of song - and for all the many other gifts that we give each other!" Christmas is all about giving, and sharing, and helping each other... isn't it? I know we've already heard lots of stories about that, but I've got one more for you this morning, which I'll bet you HAVEN'T heard already. That's because it's not one of those true-life stories; THIS story is from the so-called other side. It's about the difference between Heaven and Hell... a difference which isn't so great as most of us believe it is. [pause] Reverend Luke: These two fellows get together one day to compare notes. One of them is from Heaven; the other one's from Hell. The man from Heaven asks what it's REALLY like down there. [pause] Reverend Luke: "Well," the man from Hell says, "It's terrible. We all get really hungry feeding the furnaces. Then they sit us down at these big banquet tables, piled high with all kinds of wonderful food. Then the Devil comes out and he says, 'All you can eat! Help yourselves - seconds; thirds, even! Just one rule: You gotta be polite down here, and use your forks; no grabbing food in Hell.' [pause] Reverend Luke: "So there we are, all ready to dig in and eat some of that wonderful food. So we reach down to pick up our forks - and every one of those forks has a handle on it three feet long! There's no way in the world we can get that food in our mouths! So the Devil just stands there laughing at us every single night; I tell you, it is *torture*!" [pause] Reverend Luke: "Well," the man from Heaven says, "We've got big tables of food like that in Heaven, too. And our forks have the same long handles; no way we can feed ourselves, either. Since we've got exactly the same problem, we all sit down and feed each other." [pause] Reverend Luke: THEY FEED EACH OTHER. What an amazing idea; what an incredible thing to do! That makes the whole difference between feast and famine, between happiness and torture! [pause] Reverend Luke: So how come nobody down in Hell thought of that? Well not one soul in Hell thought of that, because that isn't the way they think. That's why they're down there in the first place; the idea never occurred to them, to do anything for anybody else. [pause] Reverend Luke: THAT'S the real pain of living in Hell: the curse which they laid upon themselves while they walked the earth."