Talk Radio

"Barry: I should hang; I'm a hypocrite. I ask for sincerity and I lie. I denounce the system as I embrace it. I want money and power and prestige: I want ratings and success. And I don't give a damn about you, or the world. That's the truth: for that I could say I'm sorry, but I won't. Why should I? I mean who the hell are you anyways you... audience! You're on me every night like a pack of wolves because you can't stand facing what you are and what you've made! Yes, the world is a terrible place. Yes, cancer and garbage disposals will get you. Yes, a war is coming. Yes, the world is shot to hell and you're all goners. Everything's screwed up and you like it that way don't you? You're fascinated by the gory details. You're mesmerized by your own fear. You revel in floods and car accidents, unstoppable diseases. You're happiest when others are in pain. That's where I come in, isn't it? I'm here to lead you by the hands through the dark forest of your own hatred and anger and humiliation. I'm providing a public service. You're so scared. You're like a little child under the covers. You're afraid of the boogeyman but you can't live without him. Your fear; your own lives have become your entertainment. Next month, millions of people are going to be listening to this show and you'll have nothing to talk about! Marvelous technology is at our disposal, and instead of reaching up to new heights, we're gonna see how far down we can go! How deep into the muck we can immerse ourselves! What do you wanna talk about, hm? Baseball scores? Your pet? Orgasms? You're pathetic. I despise each and every one of you. You've got nothing, absolutely nothing. No brains, no power, no future, no hope, no God. The only thing you believe in is me. What are you if you don't have me. I'm not afraid see. I come in here every night, I make my case, I make my point, I say what I believe in. I tell you what you are, I have to, I have no choice! You frighten me! I come in here every night, I tear into you, I abuse you, I insult you, you just keep coming back for more. Whats wrong with you, why do you keep calling? I don't wanna hear anymore, stop talking! Go away! Bunch of yellow-bellied, spineless, bigoted, quivering, drunken, insomnia-tic, paranoid, disgusting, perverted, voyeuristic, little obscene phone callers, that's what you are. Well to Hell with you. I don't need your ferior stupidity, you don't get it. It's wasted on you. Pearls before swine. If one person out there had any idea what I'm talking about... I... [answers caller] Barry: friend you're on night talk."

"Barry: Tell me something I-I'm curious. How do you dial a phone with a straitjacket on?"