Wadd: The Life & Times of John C. Holmes

"Bill Amerson: John and I started HIV testing for all the adult film performers starting in 1985. We were the very first to insist that all porn actors and actress take an AIDS test. So... to show the industry that we weren't afraid of the test, both John and I went to a clinic and took the AIDS test together. We both came back negative. So, about four or five months later, we went back to take another test because we were going to do it every six months to show the industry that we weren't afraid of the test and that we were okay. On the second test, my test came back negative... John's came back positive. I was with John in the doctor's office when the doctor informed him that he was HIV positive. He explained to John about many things and what conversion was, and he told John that he could live a healthy life for another 15, maybe 20 years if John changed his lifestyle right away. The doctor told John that he should stop smoking cigarettes, quick drinking, quick doing drugs, start taking lots of vitamins and start watching his diet. John... didn't hear what the doctor said. He sat there, and he just didn't hear what the doctor said. And... that's a sore spot with me that lingers to this day. John could have lived a good number of more years had he not been that immature and reactive to the news. John, being immature and reactive as always, immediately doubled what he drank, doubled his drug usage, tripled his smoking habit. John just went from smoking a pack, to up to five packs of cigarettes a day. Drank a quart of scotch a day, and just didn't give a shit about anything. He knew he was going to die. John just didn't give a shit."

"Bill Amerson: John had so many stories about who he was, where he was from, where he'd been, what he'd done, all of which was to cover up his pain. John had a very painful childhood with an abusive and alcoholic father and stepfather, so John needed to be someone else. He needed to adopt another persona for a certain time. That's why John was able to lie all the time, to dance. Because that's how he got out of the pain, to forget about his painful childhood memories."