Movie |
Dark Comedy | Funeral Parlor
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Last film of Yvonne Craig.
Linnea Quigley took the role because it didn't require nudity. But then the producer said he needed $10,000 to finish the movie and take it to Cannes, so she got one of her friends to give him the money because she'd worked with the producer before and trusted him. They signed a contract to get it back in two weeks. But the producer ended up running out of money and everybody was furious with him. He didn't pay back Quigley's friend or pay her or the other actors what they were owed.
"Tesia Papadapacropolis: Oh my, well this can't be right. Albert: I hope it's not. Tesia Papadapacropolis: Well it's not. I mean, we've been staring at documents for too long. We have that white line fever. Albert: I don't think so, Tesia. Truck drivers get that stuff. Tesia Papadapacropolis: Well, do you realise what this means? Albert: Apparently your grandfather's been burying more dead bodies than he's been taking in. Tesia Papadapacropolis: There's permits here for three hundred and fifty, and he's deep-sixed over a thousand? Albert, where do you suppose he came up with all the extra bodies? Albert: Swap meet? Sorry. Look, it's probably just some misunderstanding, that's all. It's a paper shuffle problem. Tesia Papadapacropolis: Paper shuffle problem? Albert, how do you just misplace six hundred and fifty corpses? Albert: Well, just ask anyone who works at a baggage department of a major airline. Tesia Papadapacropolis: It's not the same thing. Albert: Look, it's exactly the same thing. Tesia Papadapacropolis: This is like the baggage arrives okay, and the passengers are missing. What this says to anyone, and that includes the Meanies, is that at worst my granddad is a murderer, and at best, he's so senile he's burying people without their consent. Albert: Well, you are overlooking one distinct possibility. Tesia Papadapacropolis: What? Albert: He's laundering mob hit victims. Tesia Papadapacropolis: Great."
"Mrs. Shlumsky: Ah! May I help you? Mr. Coats: Oh my yes, indeed, I would hope so, yes. Um, my name is Miles Coats and - this is my day off, you see - and I was just doing a little price comparison. Mrs. Shlumsky: Uh-huh. Mr. Coats: Now, I'm not looking for anything fancy. Mrs. Shlumsky: I understand. We here at the Papadapacropolis Funeral Home take the worry out of the unfortunate arrangements. We're here to serve you. Mr. Coats: That's very nice. Do you have a crematorium? Mrs. Shlumsky: Certainly!"
